Just when we think we can’t take another second….
Its a Tuesday morning. The winter freeze has finally let up for a brief moment climbing to nearly 20 degrees. I am waiting in the car dealership while new brakes are being put on our family car (we are a 1 car family). The baby is in my lap and she is starting to fuss but is refusing to nurse. I try bouncing her but her unhappiness is turning into a loud cry. If you are a mom, you know that feeling….when you are the one responsible for the crying baby in a public space….the stress, all eyes on you, the ‘looks’. I get up and put her tiny body up against my shoulder and acknowledge that it’s been a hard few weeks with packing the house, nurturing a new born, managing the emotions of a 3 year old who now has a sibling and is showing classic regression while navigating life’s many curve balls….all on a few hours of broken sleep…phew!
As I pace the tiles of the show room bouncing wee one, battling her protest cries, trying to avoid a full blown infant screaming session, I begin to feel tired, really tired. A half hour goes by, then another hour and I am still pacing, patting, shushing a mostly consoled baby. Finally she screams her last battle cry until I can latch her on for a feeding. I start relax a little. They call our name, our car is done. Hope.
As I buckle the baby into her car seat and start driving, she begins to cry. I play her favorite music but her cries grow into screams. My head is pounding. I am maneuvering traffic and my baby is screaming. My heart hurts when she screams and I am unable to soothe her in that moment. Fifteen minutes later we pull into the driveway. When I open the car door and look at her, she smiles. She just stops screaming and BEAMS at me.
Babies have a way of bringing us to our edge. Just when we think we can’t take another second. We begin to think we are terrible at soothing our own flesh and blood. We doubt our mothering abilities. We think we have failed them. And then……. they stop. They stop crying and start to coo. They look us in the eye and smile. And they are…perfect. The moment is perfect. And we are humbly reminded that we too are perfect in this moment….perfectly in love.