Navigating major life change

My stomach is gnawing with hunger before I realize it is 11 am and all I have had is a cup of coffee, hours ago. My second cup sits in the microwave in desperate need of warmth and creamer. My brain is hazy and thoughts are swirling around and I check one task off and begin another.

My lazy days of summer have disappeared along with the last full moon and summer heat. The lull in my summer schedule has evaporated and the weather has served us rain eight out of the past 10 days. We haven’t been to the pool in 2 full weeks. Summers in the northeast are like that. Everyone complains about the 4 weeks of heat and then we get rain, cool weather and autumn. It simply goes too fast.

But it’s more than that going on. I have been trying to juggle too many of life’s balls and it feels like I going to drop them at any minute. I was optimistic of a long summer in the sun, blogging, and personal growth. I hadn’t anticipated the stretching that was about to happen or that the growing pains would be so painful.

We are in the process of refinancing the house to pay back the personal loan/mortgage we initially used to purchase the house back in January. This has been our plan but we expedited the time line of our refinance due to the fact my employer has changed their family-friendly company policy. Employees are no longer able to work full-time from home/at a distance. Rather, the policy has been revised to allow for 1 day of remote work and have employees “co-located” in the office. These made up buzz words (“co-located”) make me want to stick my pencil in my eye…

There were rumors about this change for years, but it has finally come to fruition. For those of us who have worked remotely for 4, 6 or even 10 years, this is a hard pill to swallow . Over the last two years, we have endured major lay offs, cuts to our benefits package, retirement, paid time off plans and healthcare. Given the cuts, layoffs, and overall poor morale of the institution, why would I want to sit in a cubicle to do the same job I do from my home without the negative energy or co-worker gossip?

I have looked at full time child care options for my 8-month-old, but the first full-time opening is not until February and then May/June after that. Not to mention the cost. For 2 kids in daycare/preschool it will cost me between $2,200-2,500 per MONTH. That leaves me with $600-700 to pay bills with. Plus, we would have to buy a second car….there goes that $600.

It has all been stressful to think about and weight the options. I still don’t have a 100% clear plan, but it is the main reason for us to push the refinance of the house while we are still bringing home 2 full-time paychecks. That leads me to the next area of change…our debt snow ball.

I managed to get my husband on board, crunch all the numbers, build a budget, and start our debt snowball, and then the news about my job came over the email chain. Ugh! Maybe it’s just a minor road block, but it has led to my next obstacle…finding an alternative way to make an income without having a 9-5 desk job. Initially I was looking for a side hustle to throw at our debt, but it looks like by October, I will need a secondary source for income because it’s likely that I will leave my FT day job.

Over these last 2 weeks, I have secured a side hustle through late night research, and interviewing, but it is not guaranteed $ and I will have to sell myself /brand to get customers and build my client base. For an introvert, this is not a comfortable position…the growing pains are real. The stress is high, and it’s all hanging in the air to be sorted out, unraveled, de-mystified over the next few months.

Honestly, it’s hard to be in the in-between.

Major changes are always a little unnerving, It’s has been an entire year of the unknown and we have made so many transitions (buying and selling a home, having a second baby, layoffs, preschool, etc…), I am not sure why we are having to endure this time of unrest. I am trying my best to hang on for the ride and not capsize in the rapids.

How do you navigate big changes?

3 thoughts on “Navigating major life change

  1. Caitlin says:

    I seriously struggle with transition, even small ones, and I’m seeing similar traits coming out in my daughter. I probably even jump into decisions that provide stability, rather than really waiting for the right option, just to avoid the uncertainty. I hope that clarity comes your way soon. It’s extra hard when kids are in the mix, because they need so much routine and stability themselves!

    Liked by 1 person

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